The Begining At His End

I have been in hope for long and then I think it time to let go cause I want to be here and not in a dream now. Its not an experience that I have gone through before but some things are inevitable. Of all the losses we have shared and of all the victories, this has been the one that comes with the depth and expanse that I cannot estimate.

There is more than what you can say about him, his work and his way of life. I have been like a constant one who knew a lot that went through him passively though, and knowing this was his way out of a lot of his problems I didn't expect his to happen. I have always been not really not in appreciation of his way of life but I guess I would have always been around for him and he knew that.

Browsing through his account, I see his expectation from me to be his best friend and I know my from the comment I left just 10 days ahead, asking "my dearest friend to call me up cause its been long that I had heard from him"..... I guess I still thought that at his hour of need, I will there for him. Never did I think that at hour would be so grave.

Life comes with its set of surprises and things that I wouldn't hardly have expected and with each I am moved from what I had never expected to happen. This time it was a bit of an irony ,cause when his time came I was on a train journey that I was wishing for three months now and I was happy and to gain the full fruit of the happiness I reach my destination and the first friend, I come in touch with and share a hug tell me the sadness that has been there all throughout my happy journey. It was as if this was the price of coming here. By the time, I stepped into my house, the cremation had been done. A friend was gone, silently and peacefully without a word to anyone, quite unlike him to do that. The smallest thing he would make, be it a photograph or a portfolio or anything like that, he would make it look like the greatest thing people would ever see, then why does he exit so silently...

Though we all wish this was a silly prank, we would all like to forgive him for doing this but the realisation is slowly sinking in and it cannot be more painful that this. Bit by bit, we realise what this means. Bit by bit, I too realise what it is to lose a friend.

Though the thought doesn't come to me this often, but when it does, it brings with it all the things I have shared with him. Or rather all the things I had the honour that he shared with me.

Goodbye Kshtij and his magic camera

www.kshitijgujral.info